Monday, March 19, 2012

It's okay to be ugly

It gets so old.

"You just need to be confident."
"You just need to smile more."
"You just need to wear nicer clothes."
"You just need to see yourself as beautiful first."

Of course, the bullshit "advice" is almost always from someone who has NO IDEA what it's like to be ugly. Of course they think they know the secret to not being ugly...they're not ugly! Few of them realize it, but whenever people tell us this "advice" it doesn't help. In fact, it demeans us even more. 

The only thing worse than being ugly is being told to live in a constant state of denial. We're already treated like second class citizens for being ugly, now we have to be treated like we're crazy too, as if all of the things people have said and done to us to inform us of our genetic inferiority are all in our heads. Surely, NO ONE could say things that cruel, you must be exaggerating, there's no way, you must have heard them the wrong way, you're just taking it the wrong way.

Sound familiar?

Forgetting what all the beautiful people say, let's get real for a minute. The harsh truth is that we are not ALL BEAUTIFUL. If we were, models wouldn't exist nor would they be envied. Guys wouldn't all flock to the same handful of girls at a party. *WE* wouldn't notice how much crappier we were treated by most people. It seems like people almost bully us into "accepting" we're "beautiful" when everyone with eyes knows that we're not.  

So, what can we do? Contrary to society's OMG-YOU-HAVE-TO-SEE-YOURSELF-AS-HOT bullying, we need to feel it out. Accept that you're not hot. It's okay not to be hot and to know it. It's okay to express that you're not hot. The way you've been treated because of your looks is not imaginary nor is it your fault. The idea that you have to see yourself as hot only feeds into the idea that looks are the only thing that matter about a woman (which is another thing people who think they're being helpful don't realize they're telling you).

You don't get over things by pretending they didn't happen. People know this about every other unfortunate situation in life, but when it comes to beauty, no one gets it. Please, for your own sanity, realize it's okay to feel the way you do. It may help to subscribe to the Diary of an Ugly Girl subreddit and share your feelings, stories, advice, and anything that you think might be helpful to others like you.

It might not be much, but it's a start. You don't have to feel crazy for believing what you know is true. There are many women like you out there and most of them are too afraid to admit it because they know they'll just get belittled into being quiet.

You're not alone!


5 comments:

  1. I'm tired of this as well. When I admit that I'm unattractive, even ugly, I'm met with protests. Though right now I don't have any friends, but when I did have friends I would occasionally talk about it. It was always because pretty friend couldn't understand why I never had a boyfriend. I think, in part, the pretty people don't want to admit they got ahead in life because of their looks. It makes them uncomfortable if they realize that they are being treated better for a superficial reason. Instead, they want to tell us that we have defective personalities, that we need to improve our careers (or get one in my case), or that we need to change something e.g. hair color, clothing, shoes, etc.

    My own mother was/is disappointed with the way I look. She would much prefer if I had been born a tall, blue eyed blonde with a perfect face. Instead, she got me & she reminded me frequently what I looked like. Then, I would go to school & be called a dyke by people, be called ugly, etc. It's all reinforced by the way people have treated me, especially boys/men. They were always rude to me. Even now when I'm walking on a sidewalk, they do not move off for me. They rarely open doors for me. I know I disgust them, they've never spared me the insult.

    So, I hate being told that it's something else that's keeping me away from a relationship. Sorry, but I do not want to settle with someone who thinks less of me, who will think I should be kissing the ground they walk on because I'm ugly, etc. I've been told that I have a childish outlook on romantic life, but I think both people should respect each other & enjoy each other. If all I'm ever going to get in return for my love & affection is 'Well, I like her even though she's ugly' or the worst one I've ever heard 'Ugly girls don't cheat'
    I'd rather be alone.

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  2. I hope you continue with your blog. You haven't posted in a while, but I think it's a good idea. We ugly people need a place too.

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  3. I love this blog; it is really important for your voice to be heard. Here is a link to a post on Jezebel on the topic, maybe you can mine it for future posts : http://jezebel.com/5517951/sex-lies-and-stereotypes-can-women-really-get-laid-whenever-they-want

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  4. Your blog is so intensely honest, and expresses so much that is hard to put into words. Thank you for blogging. I hope you keep doing it. Your story helps other systematically unwanted people feel less alone in being ignored as less than human. Usually when I try to bring stuff up like this to people such thoughts are blamed on the person not trying hard enough, or invalidated as a misinterpretation of social events. It is rarely accepted or acknowledged that people discriminate and the ugly are treated badly, even though it is clearly at play in social relationships.

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